It started with a list. I was sitting in the sun not far from my house. I tend not to go too far anymore. Only if Joel goes with me and only if we have the money to buy a coffee or a lunch. That’s not often. But I wanted that to change. I needed it to change. Isolation was doing my head in. Before things changed forever, I was getting ready to start Peer Support. I was volunteering at Likemind, Penrith going to events and reaching out to people in hopes to break the stigma of having a mental illness. I was showing videos on my social media accounts. I was getting ready to start a writing group. I was about to premiere a knew self-published book. I had it all together.

But that all changed. COVID hit and hit hard. Peer Support was on hold. So was the writing group and volunteering. Jobs I had applied for were no longer available and the world stood still. Then it went from on hold to…no longer an option. And I was gutted.

I had climbed out of depression only to be pushed back in by COVID. As if the universe said, “No.”

But I changed that no to a not yet by writing one simple list. The list had rules. I had to acknowledge the things I could not control. I had to acknowledge my feelings. And finally, I had to write a goal that would make my dreams come true anyways.

1. Peer Support and Volunteering are not going to happen anytime soon. That frustrates me. Angers me almost. Fills me with sadness, so until that time happens, what am I going to do? I am going to get me degree in Mental Health so not only can I go into Peer Support when it’s ready but also have a plethora of knowledge and experience to come with it. Makes me more valued. Win. Win.
2. Publications are harder. It was hard before but with COVID and the state of the world it is almost nearly impossible. Frustrating to know end. Almost hopeless. Here I am chasing my dreams and doors keep slamming shut and I don’t have the means to open them. So, what am I going to do? Self-publish of course! I’ve joined up with another writer (anonymous for now. it’s a HUGE surprise.) and we are collectively writing the sequel to Shorts, whose premiere had been stifled by COVID. Outlines are already done. Ideas are already in motion. It’s going to be amazing.

It’s a shortlist. For now. I’ve got time. Isolation gives you that it seems. And for now, I’m hopeful and that’s great! There was a time I wasn’t, so already this little list with its specific rules has given me some light at the end of a very long tunnel that’s going to require a lot of patience to get through.

Smile, there is hope.