Christmas 2017
Joel and I were overwhelmed by the multitude of people that twirled through the aisles of the shop with haste…and probably desperation. The holidays seemed to bring that out in people. I looked at my husband as we pretended to struggle to reach for each other’s hand as the cluster of people tended to separate us somehow. One minute we were in deep conversation and the next one of us would turn around and found the other struggling to get through a cluster of oblivious customers.
We primarily shopped with each other. We had traditions of our own to uphold. Though we were clearly adults, we had a Santa present to find. It was for the whole family from Santa and the gift was always just one single gift and its purpose was clear: to inspire family time with fun and conversation. Santa’s gift was always a board game.
We also had a gift from us to us. It was a gift that usually made it easier around the house or was just a pleasant thing to have that was sentimental. Last year, we had gotten ourselves a tea set. Joel loved his tea and I loved having tea with him, though I wasn’t really too fond of it. I was more fond of the time we spent together while having it.
I grew to love those moments where’d he’d put his tea together. The way he served it wooed me. There was the kettle with the boiled water and the tea that brewed for 30 minutes. There was the special mugs and saucers we got that only came out during our tea times. If it was a great day, we’d go outside and enjoy it under an umbrella with two chairs and a table. Milk. Sugar. He called his tea Enid Tea now, after I had named it that to honour his grandmother, who he had lost to dementia.
We found ourselves struggling to compete with last year’s tea set so this year we chose some towels because the old ones were becoming ragged. We enjoyed shopping together. We’d continue conversations we had unfinished at home. We’d talk about the shows we liked or didn’t like. We’d just enjoy each other’s company while also pointing out things that we liked individually. Though, most of the time, we both already knew what we were going to get each other.
The holiday shopping was easier now that we had changed to boxes instead of wrapping paper. The boxes represented each other and it also controlled the size and the amount of the gift. We tended to go overboard. These boxes became cautionary items for each other. I had A Little Mermaid box. Joel had a Beauty and the Beast box. They didn’t have Lion King so he took the next best thing. These boxes only came out during gift giving days. Birthdays. Anniversaries. Just because we felt like it.
We reached the part of the shopping experience where we had to buy for each other. We’d split up. Go find the items we wanted for the other and get them and go hide them in the car. This year I had the backseat. Joel had the ‘boot’. I told him it’s because he had a good ‘trunk’. Same joke every time the words came up. Sometimes we’d run into the same shop and laugh. First one in got to stay, the other was kicked out and had to wait their turn. The trick was to buy a gift that the other one wouldn’t want either. This was close to impossible as we liked a lot of the same things.
We had done well to avoid each other. We weren’t a fan of crowds even on normal days so I had reached the point of exhausted that I only felt when my space had been constantly invaded and there was no clear way out of the rat race. I walked into a clothing shop and across the way I saw Joel facing away from me. He was wearing his Sesame Street shirt, white with the Sesame Street logo on the back. He loved that shirt even though holes were starting to appear. I loved it, too. On the front it had Ernie in the bathtub with his rubber ducky and underneath that it said, “You’re the one.”
I was tired and ready to go. I was also finished and had put my gifts in the backseat underneath a blanket. I wanted to find a new shirt for Joel, one that he would love better than the raggedy ones he refused to say goodbye, too. I didn’t pressure him either. I understood, but perhaps a new shirt with bigger sentimentally would replace them.
The moment I saw him I knew I should have left the shop, but I was wondering why he was in a clothing store. Clothes were not the go to gift for him. He didn’t like giving them as a gift. So I decided I was done and I wanted comfort. I walked through the store heading towards Joel as he seemed to be shuffling through a pile of shirts.
Joel can easily be scared. Jump scares get him all the time, even if they’re predictable. I snaked through the store with a grin and just as I could reach him in a single step, I wrapped my arms around him.
“I’m so done with shopping. Take me home, babe,” I whispered into his ear. I almost burst into tears as his whole body jumped.
I quickly let go and stifled my laugh. Joel spun around and in an instant, I no longer had to stifle any laughter and I certainly didn’t hide my absolute horror.
This was not Joel. At all. Even though he wore a Sesame Street shirt, I did not see Ernie or a rubber ducky or most importantly Joel’s face. Instead, I looked into the eyes of a very angry stranger.
“Mate, I don’t care how done you are with shopping, I’m not taking you anywhere.”
I couldn’t look away. My mouth gaped open and I struggled for words. I struggled to explain myself. “I’m. I’m so. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I thought you were-“
“I don’t care who you thought I was. Keep your hands off of me, mate.”
Even though I could see that it wasn’t Joel, I was surprised by the deep voice that came out of him. I still expected to hear Joel’s voice. I desperately wanted it to be Joel. I wanted this to be all an illusion so that the truth wasn’t…well, the truth.
“I didn’t mean to invade your space. I mean, I wouldn’t do that to people,” I continued to babble, “Like, I respect people’s boundaries. I don’t like to be touched either. So, yeah, I wouldn’t molest you. Honest. I just thought you were my-“
My brain struggled still. He had the same build as Joel and yet this voice just vibrated inside my chest as he spoke, “What you saying to me, mate? Molest me?”
“No. No no. I mean, I said I wouldn’t. I mean, I’m not saying you’re ugly. You’re fine. I just-your voice is so dark compared to your tiny body!”
His eyes widened, “My tiny what?”
My mouth just hung there as words just flew out of my mouth. My eyes widened in horror as my ears registered my words, “No, you have a great body. But like I respect it. I mean, I’m not checking you out or anything. I just thought you were-I should shut up.”
“Yeah, mate,” he growled, “you should.”
“Damn that voice,” I muttered and slammed a hand over my mouth. My own voice echoed inside of my head, ‘Shut up, Mike,’ but I ignored it and quickly dropped my hand to say finally, “I am so sorry.”
I left the store, texting Joel ferociously, “Mike vs. the World.”
Joel responded, “What happened now?”
I texted everything out as quickly as possible and waited for his reply. I was sweating bullets and still worried I had accidentally assaulted that guy and wondered by I just babbled my way into deeper trouble.
Joel replied, “Why would I be in a clothing store?”
***
It’s moments like these I seem to get myself into. That in-between with being socially awkward but social. This need to explain myself because the idea of upsetting someone triggers me, but much to Joel’s amusement, I find myself returning to him sometimes and all I have to say is, “Mike vs. The World” and he can’t help but grin and ask, “What now?”